As I look back on this year, it feels like it’s taken forever and zoomed by all at the same time. I never thought my life would look like it does now and I never thought I would be the person, I feel, am I today.
I grew up believing no one would or could ever like or even love me. What did I have? Nothing. Even after getting married I was still skeptical, I kept thinking Chris would see the real me and run eventually. Well, he hasn’t (phew), but what’s more important is he has helped teach me to see myself as I see children: capable and deserving of love. I really should thank my cousins Rae and Oni here too. They are both amazing supports and beautiful people. Plus my Singapore girls, Hat and UWC family. You know what, I actually think I‘m my friend; I couldn’t say that a year ago. Those voices of doubt will always be there, but I think I’m an okay person. That’s a huge thing for me to say. I hope that if you‘re reading this you stop for a moment and think about you. Can you say you like you? I hope you can. If you’re not there yet, what do you need to do? Can I help? Drop me a line.
Last year this time I was in such a dark place. I felt so alone and struggling to do anything really. This year, even with all the moving, uncertainty and bumps in the road I feel so much happier and mentally healthier...I just had a doughnut with ice cream, so probably can’t say the same for my diet!
I know who I want in my life and my children’s, and am taking steps to limit my exposure to those who hurt me and mine. I know there is so much love in my life, in all its forms. Every day I’m learning. Even though the future is uncertain and I have no idea what I want to do in terms of my career, I feel hopeful. I’m the most confident I’ve ever been in my life. I know I have so much to work on, but I no longer feel I’m less than. We are all working on something and we are all worth the effort.
This six months of travel as a family was meant to be an opportunity to figure out what kind of life we want. I think both Chris and I are learning what works for us and the boys. We have decided instead of travelling somewhere new, we’re heading back to the familiar for the boys. We’ll spend the first few months of 2020 in Bali in the area we enjoyed the most: Canggu. Then we’re off on our next big adventure: New Zealand! I’m so excited. It seems like such a beautiful part of the world. Plus I’ve never met a Kiwi I didn’t like. I‘m slightly terrified of the cold, being a tropical climate girl, but I’m not about to let fear stop me now. (If you have any NZ tips please share them) We are hoping to make New Zealand our final stop for awhile, but I’ve stopped being too certain about anything because-life.
I’m so grateful for my life and my boys. Time with them has been such a gift and getting to be such a big part of their lives is such a privilege. I want to continue to put my family first in the way I am currently doing it. I am trying to work on ways I can sustain this, while still contributing to our income (ideas welcome here). That’s the next challenge I guess.
I have met such incredible people this year. I have also connected with people who are struggling, but are so strong in their determination to get through, that all I can do is watch in awe. If 2019 wasn’t your year I truly, truly hope 2020 will be.
2019 was life changing for our family. We took a risk, we were brave and we chose each other. 2020 let’s do it!
Thank you for reading and supporting my journey. Have a very happy holiday.
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