Let's talk food

I come from a foodie family. To me, eating good food is like experiencing the highest form of Art. It's the only thing I'm aware of that can captivate all of my senses at once. I was lucky enough to have parents who appreciated and could afford good food when I was growing up. From a young age my parents would take my siblings and I to amazing restaurants, not the kind that children were usually seen at. I loved it! When I think about memories from my childhood those are definitely among my favourite. My mum's family were known for making amazing food. They had a catering company and restaurant in Sri Lanka. I remember spending holidays there and working to wrap Breuders (a Sri Lankan raisin bundt cake) in cellophane for Christmas and serving customers in the take away section of the restaurant. All while stuffing my face with yummy Sri Lankan chocolate eclairs. My mum obviously inherited a love for feeding people, almost every time we FaceTime she is cooking something different, it's her love language for sure. When we talk about what we think the people we love are doing M, will say "Archie is cooking". She's what I think of as a typical Sri Lankan. She also has a massive sweet tooth (also very Sri Lankan in my opinion)! This is something our whole family has. I remember her having to hide chocolate in the house away from hungry eyes. All this to say, good food is extremely important to me.

Unfortunately, I seem to have inherited a love for all things food when it comes to eating and not so much the cooking side of things. Ask any of my ex-boyfriends' dads' or Chris' Dad for that matter; for some reason it was a quality of mine they all felt the need to comment on. Being a girl in an asian family, a lot of people felt the need to comment on my food choices and its effect on my external appearance.

Like many people in the world my relationship with food was not always a loving one. I was never and will never be a thin person. My grandmother once told me, to the delight of my brother, when I was in my early teens, "You could be pretty, it's a shame you have such fat arms and legs." Hearing comments like this from the people you are brought up to respect is extremely damaging to a fragile ego, it seeps into your bones, there's no doubt about it. I loved food so much, but was reminded often that my love of food would be damaging if not kept in check.

Thankfully, I never developed an eating disorder, but I certainly developed some eccentricities and have done some stupid things. I remember in uni I went a few weeks only drinking Boost juice thinking that it was healthy. I tried the Dukan Diet, for an ex-vegetarian it was disgusting. I sometimes went days only eating 1 cupcake because I knew I wouldn't be exercising and I wanted a cupcake. I even used a number of Groupons to inject something into my thighs to get rid of my fat there, it didn't work. I consulted with a liposuction doctor when I was 19, I couldn't afford it and was too afraid of possible side effects. I did fat freeze treatments and felt stupid. I tried to get into exercising to balance out my love

of food, which I actually really enjoyed, I felt stronger and I liked that. Even then I never managed to change my body shape the way I hoped. I never became that tall, leggy, skinny girl with the thigh gap I so hoped I could one day become if I just tried hard enough. Then a friend of mine at Drama School sat me down one day and he said, "Rekha, us guys don't really care what you [girls] look like we'd be just f*cking happy to get a girl naked!" I kept that in my head for a long time, because almost all of my need to become something other than me, was because I didn't think I was attractive and interesting enough to get and keep a guy.

Drama School also encouraged me to look at myself differently, though it might have been because I was in Singapore. People seemed to be more open to differently looking people there. I started to feel a bit more seen, but realised I wasn't a big fan of that either, it was something I wasn't used to I felt exposed. Long story short I realised no one really cared about my insecurities but me and it was holding me back from fully engaging in my world. I started and am still working on not apologising for my existence.

I met a lovely man, who thought I was the bees knees and while, yes contentment with yourself should come from self acceptance, for me it was his words and actions that helped me the most. I stopped trying to do crazy things to try to become a person externally I know is not a possibility for me. I started to enjoy who I was and most of all...enjoy food! I came to the realisation that I didn't want to eat food I didn't think was delicious, food wasn't going to be sustenance to survive nor was it going to be my enemy. I was going to start enjoying the Art of food again. I was going to enjoy food and not feel guilty about it. I do to this day and I share that love with my little family, with no shame.

After having 2 children, fairly close together, my body isn't the same but I'm so grateful for it. I mean, it had the ability to grow two beautiful humans! Thank you body, after all I've done to you, you have

been a real trooper.

After what I went through, and I know it's not an uncommon story at all, I'm determined to change the conversation for my children. I don't have girls, but I want my boys to be like my husband was for me and I want them to love their bodies too. Thankfully, I have some great role models around me I can draw upon. My sister-in-law, I believe, does a fantastic job of it with her children. I have never seen her body shame or even talk about any related matters with her children. I know she has made a conscious choice to do so and I think she does it so well. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm working on it.

I feel like the more parents I know the more inspiration I get, because most of us want children who focus on kindness toward themselves and others. There are a few of us that are also questioning the whole concept of "what would people say/think?" as a reason to make, or not make certain life choices. Instead we are parenting and living our lives with a mantra of "is this right for me/us right now?"