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So, it's been about a week or so that we have moved to our new place in Canggu. We'll be here for roughly 6 weeks, before a quick trip to Singapore for A's birthday. The place we're in is one of about 6 villas in a little garden with a shared pool. We seem to have the largest villa, as it has two rooms as opposed to one. All the villas have an ensuite bathroom and an open kitchen/dining area. It's funny how, as I sit here while the boys sleep, I realise how much my perspective has changed. Let me explain. I love space. Love. Space. All the apartments I have lived in, in Singapore were quite spacious and coming from Australia there's lots of space (in the 'burbs). In my childhood, I would often find myself in different nooks and crannies around the house. I loved my house, even if everyone was home you wouldn't know because there was enough space to feel like you were on your own. An introvert's dream. Yet, I look around here and I think, Wow, this is all I need. There are two rooms, which I feel are rather large (an average Australian master bedroom size), both have space for a bed, side tables, armchair and a little desk. Though we don't really use the second room much, it is nice to have because I do still need that space away from others and Chris uses it to work in sometimes too. I never ever would have thought I would be happy here. My parents were not rich, but growing up I never really wanted for anything. I didn't realise I had gotten used to a certain level of comfort in my life until I met my husband, who would often try to convince me to live more simply. I remember when he was trying to convince me of this lifestyle change he said that I would be surprised at how little we would actually need. Well. Here I am actually realising it. When I put aside my preconceived notions and the voices (which we all probably have) of those non-existent people who would judge us. I realise I am content. But wait! As I wrote somewhere on this blog...I'm writing warts and all. It's not all sunshine. As the title of this piece would have you believe I want to write about ants. Yes. Ants...So, so many ants. When we first moved into our place there were a lot of dead ants I swept out, I thought it must have been a while since someone had stayed here...nope. Every day the ants and I dance our futile dance; I should say my futile dance because the ants win every time! I wake up and sweep them out of the outdoor living space, out of the kitchen, Chris would hose down the bathtub etc. Almost immediately more would return. Then I discovered they didn't like cinnamon so I sprinkled and little here and there...(warts and all, right? Fine) I dumped so much cinnamon on our benchtop, not even I could use the space! But it worked...well until I needed to move the cinnamon to use the space. It turns out that our villa has a design flaw. The builders didn’t build the way most Balinese do, they put in a flat ceiling with a slanted roof. This, as I’m sure you might have already guessed, meant there was a space in the roof for things to nest...like ants! We as short term tenants, can’t really do anything about this but our neighbour said he is considering taking down his ceiling to try to fix the problem. Good luck to him. It is probably partly due to the ants, but also due to the size and location of the kitchen that I’m also not a huge fan of it. I was pretty spoiled in my childhood with a lovely kitchen. My mum redesigned it so you could basically cook anything you’d ever want in it! You name it, I’m pretty sure she’d have it. My kitchen now, by comparison, doesn’t. It has a small fridge (with 1 shelf being the freezer space), 4 pans, 7 mugs, roughly 7 plates, cutlery, a tiny chopping board, knife, glass bowl, 2 burner gas stove, tiny bench space and sink. This has been tricky because my son loves to cook. In Singapore, we would cook at every opportunity we had, often what we would cook required blender, mixer, food processor, oven or even just more bench space. Here we haven’t really cooked all that much. So far we have made breakfast (banana, cinnamon or apple, cinnamon oats and french toast with berry compote), burritos, cookies ‘baked’ in a pan, watermelon ice lollies and play dough. We will be making pancakes tomorrow. I’ll add what we have cooked to the Eat section when I get a chance. It’s not really the most comfortable place to cook, but now that I look at the list of things we have made, perhaps I should put my preconceived notions about cooking aside too and just dive in. Watch this space I guess. So, really apart from the ants and tiny outdoor kitchen...okay warts and all - and the inconsistent water flow in the taps. It’s not too bad. The mossies aren’t as bad as I thought they would be and really it could be much worse. They aren’t termites right?! The boys are happy, we’re at the beach 2-3 times a week. I’m waiting for my mum to tell me how dark the boys and I are (Asian mum thing). A and M have a daily ritual of picking up flowers for us in the morning to place behind our ears (CV, if you’re reading this, this little act always reminds me of you). The children have adopted the neighbour's dog as their own. This works perfectly for me because I love having a dog to play with, without the responsibility of actually having a dog. Must be what being a grandparent is like!! We also go down to the park nearby, which allows the boys to do gross motor play and our garden is a great place for sensory play. On Chris's day off (Friday) we try to head somewhere new in Bali. This week we went to Jimbaran (post to come) and next week we're checking out the waterfalls around Ubud. On Sundays, Chris tries to spend time with the boys without me; to give me a much needed break (who would've have thought I could handle a whole classroom of children and be fine, but my own kids drive me nuts sometimes?!) and so he can bond a bit more with them. We have developed a little routine and life seems slower, simpler and in short: good (ants and all) much to my surprise.

The first few days in Bali were honestly a blur. I can't believe we've been here over two weeks already! From the time we landed we have been on the go. When researching what to do when moving to Bali most forums and people I spoke to said to get temporary accommodation first and then look around when we arrive. Simple enough right? I booked us into a little villa in an area we were told had a nice community of families with young children for the first 15 days. It wasn't long before we realised that we'd chosen the worst time to arrive in Bali, as prices of villas were unreasonably high due to the demand by expats and tourists. What we researched to be a reasonable price for a villa was laughable by the locals during high season because they had plenty of expats who would pay top dollar and not negotiate, especially because we were looking for a monthly rental and owners wanted to rent places for a year at least. We were also smack bang in one of the most expensive areas of course! So we lowered our standards and hired a car to drive us to different areas around Bali in search of a villa. Driving in Bali...it takes time. It's a good practise in patience and mindfulness, especially when you have two toddlers. A and M were incredible during all the villa hunting, not complaining too much strapped to car seats or to our carriers. We kept them close, very close. We did try to find some part of the day to let them play (and walk through the odd rice paddy). Like when we looked around Sanur (ended up being out of our budget, but actually the best for young children), we took them to Peek a Boo. Peek a Boo is an indoor soft play area, which has lots of toys, an undercover play structure and a little cafe. A did find it hard to leave the construction site he'd set up, but with the promise of a return trip he sullenly agreed to leave with us. In Ubud, we went to Titi Batu for lunch, which was delicious. They had a nice little sand pit attached to a long treehouse-like structure where A was greeted by the most delightful little boy. Again A was loath to leave, but did anyway. Ubud was nice, but I was just not sure about being so far from the beach. I loved the idea of taking the boys down to the beach to run and play in nature. Little people really, really need space to run and shout and get messy...it seemed far less possible in Ubud. In Canggu, we were right next to a place called The Garden. A went a few times to play in the Kids Club, while we continued our search. M and Chris spent some quality time in the playgroup too, giving me a bit of time to look online for places uninterrupted. We also frequented a little cafe called La Casita, which had a playground A and M loved with a sandpit, pulley and play kitchen; among other things the boys were less interested in. We heard about a place called ParkLife, which had just been opened too and because the boys had been so good, we spent quite a bit of time there. Tamora Gallery was good, while Chris worked, the boys and I had fun in the little playground and then we got to watch a free magic show. When they were stuck at home with me, while Chris worked we did the following, which I'll talk about in more detail later: Made playdough Painted Played with Duplo, PlayMags, puzzles Drew Did Art and Craft Danced Ran up and down the gang Made friends with the neighbours Sang Did water play and sensory play Went for walks Read Watched Netflix (times when I needed to look for more places to view or just needed a break) Honestly, I think had we been okay to leave our children somewhere and hop on some scooters we might have found a place faster or more easily. However, Chris would not come around to the whole riding a scooter idea (much to his mum's relief I'm sure) and I'm not sure we would have felt that confident to ride in those early days or leave our children with anyone. Driving around in a car in Bali traffic was time consuming and frustrating, but as with most things regarding our family Chris came to the rescue and found us a little villa (within budget yay!!) not too far from our temporary accommodation and even closer to the beach! We'll be here for the next few weeks. And so the adventure continues...

It's been probably one of the hardest years in my life thus far, but I survived. So, did my husband and two children...sometimes it feels, just barely but we all got through it. I'm lucky that what I'm writing about isn't life or death. No one was in an accident, we didn't have to overcome trauma. I tell my friends your life and your issues aren't to be measured against others, they have value because they are yours.This is what happened to me and mine to get us to where we are now. Disclaimer: A few friends asked if I could write about what I'm doing and this is me doing that. I've never been a strong writer so this is quite daunting for me. I'm also a private person so putting my life out there is also a hurdle to jump. I do like a good challenge though. If you have any constructive feedback please let me know because this is a learning process for me. I won't be posting photos of my boys faces, as I believe they should have the right to decide what their online presence should be when they are ready, so please don't ask for photos of them. Here goes... There are so many stories about teachers leaving their careers because the profession has become so all consuming most people tend to burn out if they try to do it all. Well, yes... I was fine when I was single, even when I got married, but the moment I had a child things slowly began to fall apart and then two children...well it was near impossible for me. I was resenting my children for taking me away from my work, I was kicking myself for not planning better lessons and not knowing my class children as well as I used to. I wasn't part of the school community like I was before children. I was sleep deprived, guilt ridden and overly emotional all the time. I felt like I was a drain on everyone: home and school. When I had my first child, A, my husband and I did kind of make it work eventually. He worked 3 days and I worked 3 days. I personally didn't like this arrangement in terms of my teacher side because I never really felt like I got to know my class very well and I just never felt like I had a grasp of what was happening at school, as things moved so quickly. I did love the time with A though, everyone told me that's what mattered. Then when I was heavily pregnant with my second child, M, I was told I had no choice but to come back full time. Honestly, even if part time were a possibility I was the main income earner in my family and it was my job that gave my family the right to stay in Singapore. If I went to part time for longer I wouldn't have the income I needed to keep my dependents (husband and children). My teacher side was also much more comfortable with this arrangement too. So I choose to go back to full time teaching. Well, that didn't go down well with my husband. This meant we had to hire full time live in help (part time wasn't financially an option - crazy I know!). We tried this...let me tell you I never want to relive that first 6 months of going back to work again. In our haste to hire someone, we didn't truly know what we wanted and hired someone who was completely the wrong fit. For the first time in my life I lost it, truly lost it and ended screaming at this woman to leave my house. We sent her away for the safety of our children, my mummy guilt grew and grew...That was one of the worst weeks of my life. My husband was in Australia for a work retreat, it was the last week of term and I had no one to take care of my children. My work wouldn't give me the time at home to take care of them, so had to find someone the weekend before who would watch them, while I was at work. It killed me. It was this exact moment, that I knew something had to change. Why was I putting my kids last? Wasn't I meant to be an advocate for children? Do my own children not count? If I learnt anything from my teaching degree it was that the first few years of a child's life are the most important and therefore it is so important children have their parents/loving carer with them. Where was I? I'm not one to ask for help, but that week I did to anyone and everyone. I have to acknowledge a colleague of mine who, on the first day of that week, went to my apartment to check in on my kids and the babysitter. She sent me an "it's all good she's great with them message" to put my mind at ease. Vikki, I will always be grateful for that. My girlfriends also dropped by one evening with pizza, cookies and chocolate and sat with me, which even now fills my heart. They know me so well. They sent me numerous messages that week, which told me I wasn't alone. Even though my colleagues and my girlfriends are the best I could have asked for I didn't want to be the friend who always needed them to drop everything. I wanted to be there for them, that's who I thought I was...but who I had not been for the longest time. A week later we were in Perth for Christmas and my two best friends sat me down and talked everything out with me. By the time we were done they had convinced me that my husband and I needed to find a circuit breaker. Ollie suggested going on an extended family holiday, where we had the space away from Singapore to make a decision about what we needed for ourselves and our boys. I pitched this idea to Chris, who said he knew talking to my besties was a good idea! As soon as we returned to Singapore I reached out to a life coach (yep I know right?!) never thought I'd be doing the whole life coach thing. I have to say she was/is amazing. I also used the Better Help App, as I felt like I needed support emotionally through all this. Chris and I also started seeing the counsellor we saw after we had A again. I wanted to make sure that if we were going to make this decision it was well informed and the best possible decision we could make, not just for us, but for our boys too. A few weeks later I sadly handed in my resignation, which resulted in so many of my colleagues and friends gathering around me with so much love and support that I knew I'd done the right thing. The next few months went by so quickly that it's honestly a bit of a blur. Before I knew it I was trying to keep the kids busy while packing boxes and selling most things until our apartment was empty. My husband ended up taking over the selling part, as I had no luck; he on the other hand sold things like hotcakes! We were worried about storage, as we had things we wanted to keep for wherever we would settle. I was talking to my child's preschool principal one day at drop off and just like that she offered us her storage space! I have to say I am totally and utterly impressed with that lady. She is one of those people that is so full of spirit and drive, yet has the biggest and kindest most selfless heart. We feels so lucky to have her in our lives. Through this process I have realised just how lucky I am to have the people I have in my life. I am so incredibly grateful for their continued support. I feel like even if this whole adventure fails, they won't judge; they will find ways to be supportive because that's my village I love so much. This has turned into a long post, so I might wrap it up here. I'll write about the airport and the first few days in Bali in another post. I am new to all of this, but I hope you get something out of what I'm sharing. If you would like me to write about something in particular please reach out and let me know.